Do I fit? Squeezing in Regardless

It's 8:32am and I am rushing down the stairs to catch the Manhattan bound D express train. “Stand clear of the closing doors please”, phew I made it! Hmm, now as I am standing and looking for an available seat, I spot a space but it's in between sleeping Juan and Grandma that's sitting comfortably. Should I go for it or should I just grab the pole and hope there is no train traffic?

Hmmm has this ever happened to you? Where you want to sit but umm your booty size doesn't permit?

I am not going to lie the old me, "fatgurl", would stand and wait no matter the circumstance. I wasn't going to sit anywhere that would make me "feel" bigger. But now Exfatgurl doesn't care! I am going to squeeze myself into my spot and Granny and Juan are just going to have deal with the fact that “hey, yeah I got some hips!”

Has this ever happen to you, you want to sit somewhere that’s crowded but don't because of your size?

Beyonce makes room between two subway riders

Coincidentally, today it was "Juan", myself sitting in the middle, and the corner seat available. Big Mami came and took her seat, you know what I wasn't even mad at her (even though we was all a little tight). 

 

Silent Haters

Happy Friday!!!

I'm always so relieved to see Friday =]

Last night I went to a Casio Launch Party featuring The Roots and Nicki Minaj, now I am not going to lie I only know one song from The Roots but know that the live band and their performances are always good. With Nicki I've have been against her since day 1 and last night I realize why was I "hating". I would deny liking her songs when really I knew the entire "Moment for Life" and not just because my boo Drakey Drake was feature on it but because the song is hawt. I'd also say so what her body is "fly" it's FAKE (but really who cares and if it is fake or not it still doesn't take from it being FLY)

Was  I being a "HATER"? 

Which brings me to our Guest Feature Writer #Jeansmustfit on Silent Haters! Click Here to read and discuss!
I'll leave my 2 cents on the comment section as you should too!

Baby Got Back

"I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring"

I feel everyone and their Momma knows Sir Mix A Lot famous hit "Baby Got Back" and now fast forward to 2011 who isn't dying for a backside like Amber, Kim, Jlo,Beyonce and the list can probably go on and on. 

I love my backside, I do! No Really I do but sometimes I wish it was just a little BIGGER!!!

My momma said I don't have to run to D.R to get those famous "procedure" done she said to bend down and do some squats. And since Momma knows best....

I'll be incorporating these butt workouts more into my routine!

Click here to visit La Cosmopolatina for the tips!

I'll keep ya'll updated 

What body part you actually wish you had a "lil" more of? Since we are always going off on what we need less of!

Happy Friday!

ExFatGurl

Does He Know?

I am just curious, does HE know how much you weigh? Do you mention dieting to HIM? Does he have anything to say about it?

At first I was like "NO WAY" "I ain't telling him" but then I figure since I am putting it out there into the blog world, I might as  well tell the honey. His reaction was a funny one "Oh Whoa!" he also added "That's a little extreme" (I told him my weight when I was at 207 and you know what I agree that was a tad extreme)

I must add, my weight has never hinder his love for me and all of me and for that I appreciate him. While on this journey he has been of great support and always encouraging me and the occasional jokes lol.

So tell me, do you let him in on that taboo number?

And for the Male readers,

Does it matter? Would it matter? Do you wanna know?

Let us know,

;)

Ex FatGurl

I see myself but I don't

I must take personal pics on a daily, however (I loved adding "however" to papers in college) seeing myself via the eyes of others still takes me a while to RECOGNIZE myself

I went to ElizTalks launch party this Saturday with my chica's and LozerFilms was there taking pics.

And I must admit I see myself but I don't

Does that even make sense?

Lil Biddle, Cool Runner, Ex Fat Gurl

And then I'll wonder why I didn't hit 159 next weigh in

Supporting the Sista Gurl ElizTalks =]

 Check out the sister's girl website ElizTalks and for more pics of the launch party check out LozerFilms 

Adios,

Ex Fat Gurl

Frustration at it's BIGGEST

Will I ever see the numbers 15x On the scale...

I'll take 159, 15whatever as long as I am out the 160s!!!


They did warn me the last 10 are always the hardest!

Let's see what Monday bring to the scale it better be something fancy!!!

eff that,

Ex Fat Gurl

Your Motivation

A reader was telling me about how she's embarking on her lifestyle/losing weight journey and that she's ready to shed some serious pounds (GOOD LUCK TO YOU, I'LL DEF BE ROOTING FOR YOU) she told me the fitness magazines serve as her motivation and she asked me to blog about MOTIVATION.

Motivation is funny because to me it comes in all form. Here are some for me in no particular order:

•  I was sick of always being the big girl in the crew (any crew that I was with, I always seem to be one of the bigger girls) and I was tired of being the one that always stuck out.

•  Clothes was never fun and I always felt like I had to stick to basic.

•  A lot of people thought I couldn't do it and I love proving otherwise especially when you tell me I CAN'T

• My Boyfriend <3 I love him so so much blushes but how could I love another if I can't really love me. A lot of insecurities sometimes hinder my relationship and I realize the insecurities were my own because of my appearance. I can attest that I started a lot of problems because I was insecure of myself. (But please let's not ever admit this to him lol )

•  Kim Kardashian, Amber Rose, Beyonce, J.Hudson, hello I always felt "I got a really nice body and the weight does nothing for me time to shed it off"

• Other people doing it and still doing it. Fighting for it! That passion to physically get where they want to it rubs off which is why I blog because this journey is tough and we can all use advice, an ear, etc etc. Whenever I read of people getting that endorphin rush I wanna run to a gym.

• I NEVER WANT WEIGHT TO BE A REASON WHY I COULDN'T, WOULDN'T, SHOULDN'T weight is never going to stop me from anything (and for a long time it did) 

• My Body is my temple and it was time I started treating it like that

What are some of your motivations to reaching that goal!?!

-Ex Fat Girl

For the longest I had this picture of her on my fridge and at one point some of my aunts the ones who need glasses thought it was ME! Every time I opened the Fridge and was "SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT A HORSE", I would look at her shape and say "nah I can eat some pineapples instead" lol

Make Belive vs. Reality

Every where we turn now a day we are hit with a dose of what society finds appealing, beautiful, sexy, healthy, etc. Pictures are photoshopped, airbrushed to mimic this "perfect beauty" and I think society as a whole buys into that, no one is completely saved from that.

Personally, I never had an issue until I realize that everyone does on the low low and that maybe I should. Friends talk about flat stomach, big bootys, nice hips and the boobies to match it all. I notice the extremes that people go to match society meaning of beauty and felt if I don't get on it I will be left behind (I wonder why, this isn't grade school or anything).

The other day again I was ripping me apart. "I need to start putting on make up, I am getting old and I am not as fresh as I used to be" (Oh please, I am only 25), "maybe I should buy some booty pads" (really Melissa and fake the funk when you know damn well your cake is what it is and it was never an issue. Why all of the sudden am I trying to be Nicki Minaj?), "Some extension wouldn't hurt "(you love your hair no need to get all Beyonce now) I could go on with how my mind was going back and forth

I finally came to this conclusion, beauty will always be in the eye of the beholder and I can never and will never be able to fit that for the entire human population so why am I trying, what matters is what makes me happy and makes me feel good without compromising ME, MYSELF, AND I. Therefore, I am making myself a promise to do whatever I please not because of others but because it makes me feel the way I want it to make me feel!

Your thoughts?
-Ex Fat Girl

12 Step Program Needed!

:Walks into a room filled with people, takes the first available seat. Waits for the session to begin, she get a nod from the Doctor "Hello, my name is Ex-FatGirl ("hi Ex-FatGirl" the crowds responds back) and I am a sodacholic" sits back down with a nervous twitch:

Yes, this is serious! I don't want nothing to do with SODA aka a "fat girls crack" but every time I open the fridge and it's standing there I always seem to fail the mission. I go in looking for umm I dunno some honey turkey and boom the soda is in my face saying "Hello Sexy" and I always resort to just one small cup saying it won't matter.

But who am I lying to? Really who?

I tried to go cold turkey but that won't work, is there a 12 step program I can follow (I am so serious too)?

*Whats even more upsetting I can kick the habit for a few months but never fully get rid of it!!!!!


Help!

Your desperate
Ex Fat Girl

Happy Valentine Day

Hey Lovers,

In the morning I'll wake up and do my weigh-in routine but....I know there won't be a lost. The entire week I did alright (which was good enough for a pound or two lost) however today all that went to WASTE!!!

I have mentioned this before and today was a reminder of it, I am an emotional eater (hi!). It's the friend that doesn't leave a bitter taste (unless that is your preference), the friend that no matter what or when it will answer your call, the friend that doesn't care and doesn't mind sharing your sorrow,it's the friend that is there thick or thin (literally).

Today it was clear that my troubles are deep and wounds haven't been healed or even touched.

Valentine day is meant to be this day to profess love to any type of relationship. Well today I am breaking up with my long time bestie Food and I am diving stronger then ever in the relationship with me, Melissa.N.Q aka Ex-Fatgirl.

Who or what do you run to when you feel the walls are closing in?

Food- I am sorry but I can't keep up with this un-healthy relationship...It's not you, It's ME!

As I have always said tomorrow is another day to make it better.

Happy Valentine Loves!


Ex Fat Girl

Update: This morning as I predicted no lost however there wasn't a gain either so LETS GET IT! This week doing it right and being consistent!

Avon Made Me Do It

Every time I get the catalog I am compelled to buy something, anything.

This time I got Curves Short Trimmers.

And as of now (I am wearing them right now as I type) I love em. They do nothing for my butt but keeps me nice and tight. I plan to wear them running, to work out, and even to sleep.

When I was younger, I used to sleep every night with a girdle (and not the sexy oooolalala one but the your spanish abuela/mom/tia wore on those special occasions) because I felt just like a cast it would keep my stomach flat. I don't know if the girdle worked or not, but eventually for that summer or fall or whatever season it was, my stomach didn't bulge anymore (could be mental or not) but hey if this true my thighs will be slimmer and my stomach won't bulge!!! Guess we'll find out.

*Yeah not your Spanish granny lol, but def your Spanish tia's girdle :)

Will keep you updated on the Trimmers!

Ex Fat Girl

P.S Week 1 not going as planned! Soda keeps calling me Darling and pound cake is just laying around and I'd hate to see it go to waste so I make good use of it...IN MY STOMACH ughh..NO WORRIES I GOT THIS...FEB 28 signing back to the gym! :)

Getting Back Into Swing

166.6 is what I am weighing, about 3 pounds gain from when I stopped losing weight.

I am slowly getting back into the swing of it. I got my Special K Protein Shake, got my turkey and cheese sandwiches (I went with white bread this week, couldn't find the wheat bread I like) and been eating at home instead of eating out. Slowly weening off soda (again!) and drinking tons of h2o!

It's a bit hard....kind of reminds me of....


:click here: Especially how my mind is craving for everything right now.


Just cause you fuck up today, don't mean you can't do it right tomorrow!
Each day is a new day to make it better

=]

Ex Fat Girl

Pet Peeve #48705045047

I get so...so...so....so but sooo annoyed, upset when people tell me I am on a "diet"

No, I changed my eating habits but still need to remain current and adjust here and there to accommodate my lifestyle...


It's not a diet! Ughhhh It's a life style change okay! :z snap:

(It especially annoys me when I tell the same people over and over or when people are telling me what I am on)


:side eye:

Ex Fat Girl

This Is The Remix :Diddy Voice:

I usually don't go and read my older posts. Mainly because I hate to hear my own voice when I read lol (silly me)

Today I went to Blog #1 (<--click for a recap) to see where I was at and where I am.

A year into this is quickly approaching and I am not "there" yet.

It's my own fault. Taking it back to Day 1 (but I think I have said that before!)

This time I mean it.

Planning it today.

Stay put for the "remix of by any mean necessary"

Has the winter caused you to gain and forget your health goals?

Coming to you with a plan, a number, a goal! Let's get it!

Connecting the Dots!

After writing this blog on Jan 14 I did something....

DRASTIC

BIG

LIFE CHANGING

And just like I took control of my weight, I also decided to take control of my life/happiness!

A wise sister girl told me "Take control of the driver seat, stop letting every else drive that" [Actually it didn't go like that, but I know she said to take control of the drive seat, I might have added the rest oh well :kanye shrug: while she'll side eye me when sees this lol!]

On to new and bigger things!!!!

Connecting the dots:

Experimenting with 30 days of @ home Yoga to prepare for 30 days of Bikrim Yoga I plan to conquer in March! (=/ That will be fun so stay tune for that)

Looking for that 9 to 5 that makes my heart skip a beat!

Taking each step at a time with STRIDE and PRIDE (hey that rhymes lol, am I an official rapper now?!? lol)!

And like the Bieber Says (influence of the 8 year niece oh don't judge me)

You see I never thought that I could walk through fire
I never thought that I could take a burn
I never had the strength to take it higher
Until I reached the point of no return

And there's just no turnin back
When your heart's under attack
Gonna give everything I have
It's my destiny

Happy Weekend Friends -

Any plans for the weekend/ Feb Goals? You wanna share

Your Fav
Ex Fat Girl

A Balance

I realize for a long time and still am solely focusing on my outer beauty, outer shine, outer smile, etc

I have completely forgotten to nurture the soul behind the outer beauty, outer shine and outer smile and while yes I found God and I love her fiercely (okay :z snap:) I think I only found her physically =/ ....I am not really sure....and that is okay...it's part of a change/growth purpose but I am on it and I will share this journey because I think it comes with the new physical change!

I am aware of the problem and I am on it!!!

What are some ways you nurture you both internally and physically?


In the Meantime



Your friend

Ex Fat Girl

Endless Thoughts....

I started this blog with a lot of different intentions. I wanted to show a different side of me; perhaps it was obvious or not but I been battling an issue with my image for a long time and I wanted to showcase what my own self image did to me. How it would sometimes build me and how often it DESTROYED me. I also wanted to show, how you can want something so badly but not always get it you know "easier said then done" type shit. Make the struggles of making a dream/goal achievable real.

However, I wanted to blog and make it public mostly because I wanted someone to relate, I wanted to become someone example of progress I wanted to be someone INSPIRATION and so my own blog became that to myself. Unitentionally it reminded me of how I started and showed me I how I pushed through the fuck ups and how the milestones made me glow.

And so here I am in a umm I am not sure I am here stuck, stuck and consumed with so much different emotions. In the past two weeks I have gained 5 pounds*! :gasp: 5 pounds* when I was so close to the finish line...why, what's going on ='[ why slowly throw away what I been working on. *2 pounds I wrote this on Saturday and got on the scale this morning and after TOM I was up 2 pounds

I went to Red Lobster to enjoy there seasonal promotion of endless shrimps. Already down and although I was in great company my heart, my heart had this great big void and as I took the first shrimp I forgot everything...nothing matter my thought of process was; fuck this moment fuck the calories, fuck it if you full, fuck it!!!! I ate like I have never ate in my life and I ate...my body told me no more, my mind told me stop it right this moment but

my heart told me it needs this, for now this hole isn't so lonely, for now let go of your worries and just eat

I went on to "enjoy" the rest of my evening...And really there was no enjoyment because I was thinking of why do I continue to purposely "hurt" myself to destroy what I work for. The night ended and I said I will deal with in the morning. Saturday morning wasn't so great and I deceided to take revenge by eating a cupcake! A CUPCAKE really who was I hurting...but I got so much pleasure of doing something that I knew wasn't right and it was silly cause I saw myself smirk to myself....and I thought am I doing this on purpose are those shows getting to me...

And as I took the bus to target my "happy place", it clicked to me...I hurt for so many many many reasons and I never bother to give my scars attention...see you can give scars proper attention and although you might have something to always remind you of that scar it will heal the way its suppose to but if you ignore it you prolong it's healing, it's getting of better and eventually time does "heal" but you have a bitter scar that will never quite be the same or no where near the same

I have a lot of scars too many scars that I aquired back to back and while I thought time would heal them...they just turned them ugly and I use food for temporary fixes which in the long run is just creating a bigger scar...and so I am taking this time to heal them the proper way (those scars the ones I ignored in hopes that they will go away)...in hopes I can start 2011 with a new outlook (not saying it will take 2 months) but knowing it will take time. I will continue to battle it out and get to to this place where ultimately I am not only happy physically, but mentally and spiritually!

So I am hibernating! Closing out chapters, starting new ones, speaking from my heart. Not compromising myself FOR NO ONE! Enjoying my sweet love, the pure friendships I have around the perfect friends I often neglect.

I encourage all of my readers all 2 of you lol, to continue coming to my page....perhaps you need a space to post some thoughts about your battle in overcoming your goal.. and don't want to create your own blog...send them my way I'll be sure to update the blog...maybe a funny picture, maybe an inspirational quote...Maybe you just wants some space to talk without interruption well by any mean necessary is your home too! So feel free to send them to me melissaq86@gmail.com

I'll update with mobile pics and music until my heart is singing the words it wants to sing!

Deuces or better yet BRB ;)

Your favorite

EX fat girl

Some Thoughts

....Again my thoughts all over and I am not really sure what is the point of this post or what one thought I want to focus on so I will write what comes from the heart so bear with me readers because I feel I owe it to the individuals that have personally hit me up to tell me that I gave them some new found hope in being able to ACCOMPLISH

I am at 161.8....Whoa is all I can say! I really did it I set out on April 24 to get to 160 and here I am one pound away and although I have added an additional 10 pounds just knowing that this number 160 which to me was impossible, so far away it's right there, RIGHT THERE I CAN TOUCH IT! But am I ready...I keep avoiding the things that I know will get me there...why I am not sure?!? I have slacked on the gym and ate things without putting anything into perspective...Healthy/not healthy....5 calories vs 500 calories and again I fight with myself everyday

This weekend I heard a lot of comments on my weight, I saw myself in pictures and didn't recognize myself and saw my clothes literally falling off me while I dreamed of this I also didn't except it happening...I wasn't ready but a part of me is asking why are you not ready?!?! I spent the entire summer busting my ASS to get my ass like this so why take to insult and not to pride. I don't know =/ I am sure I'll figure it out while I keep walking the answer will come to me.

But here I am, I finally made it to the bridge....and so close to cross it not sure if I will try to build another bridge and run the next one instead of walking it...or take my time building the next one and than walk at a fast pace...AY I DUNNO! and again it's something I will figue out!


On another note
I do want to say to anyone that doubted me, that thought this was a joke. That I was stupid for putting something so private out there....

HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW


--Ex Fat Girl

Old Me vs New Me

Sometimes I catch myself talking about the "Old me" as if she was this terrible beast incapable of anything because she was heavy, over weight whatever you want to call it. While the "new me" is some kind of heroic person that save this monster and she shines so bright.

While reality is,

First of all, I wasn't even that big to begin with and there are plenty of people who have real obesity issues. I was lucky enough to stop the issue before it became a real problem.

Second of all, the only thing that has changed from the old me and the new me it's my pants size and the scale going down. I didn't get smarter (although if I must admit I am America's smartest princess jejeje I kid), I didn't get prettier! If you thought I was ugly before I am still ugly just thinner than before if you thought I was beautiful than I am still beautiful again just smaller.

So why must I down play the old me. I think it stems from an insecurity of let me poke fun, joke, say the obvious about myself SO YOU DON'T have to say. Let me say aloud what you may be thinking when you see my before and afters. Let me hurt myself so that you don't hurt me.

....But than when I go home and sit and relax and replay the day's convos, I think like why did I do that to myself. I was big so what!?!?! why must I act like that was a sin, a reason for anyone to think different of my capabilities..... (lost of words...) I am changing that! I am not going to downplay the old me! I am going to embrace her because from her came such courage to change!

I am feeling so good guys! I really am. Tackling one problem at a time (I encourage you to do the same)

Sprinkling Love

--Ex Fat Girl

And because it's been a while; Old me vs New Me

Umm Who is That....

Yes thats you!?!?! Dummy....No it can't be.....YESSSSS

So as I was trying to keep my spandex up (yes quality spandex, not the five dollar cheap ones! Q U A L I T Y ) I realize the medium isn't quite my size...but hold up I can not, I mean I can not be fitting into a small...or can I? So whats the deal why do I feel like I am literally swimming in my clothes now....I mean granted I am not the smallest size but I was comfortable with my size 12 and now I am not sure if I am already at 11 or maybe an in between 12 and 11 cause seriously what is up with my saggy jeans in the knees? How cute is that....NOT!!!!

I woke up this morning telling my friend how I need to reach my goal of being at 150 and how no matter what the purpose is to reach a goal; to complete it and to not half ass it... Feel me?!?! BUTTTT than I want to the bathroom and saw myself in two, not one but two full length mirrors and I was like umm I feel like ,I look like I might need a piece of chicken how will I look at at 150? Is 150 what I really want....

I asked/told myself: Melissa what exactly do you want? Now is the time to reevulate goals because maybe you have gotten to where you need to be and a number isn't quite what you need to define the accomplishment of that goal...I dunno I am just a thought

So thats the question for the weekend...Do I keep pushing to get to that number goal....Do I change it up maybe get to 160 maintain and work out my body to a shape I want (example: flat stomach, toner legs, etc etc) or do I go to as far as I can? I mean I don't know! I never gotten this far in any diet so I am not sure how this would work or not! When i do figure it out I'll be sure to share with you my .5 readers :crickets crickets:


Oh and I hopped on the scale: I KNOWWWW AFTER ALL THAT CRAP ABOUT GIVING IT A BREAK AND NOT DRIVING MYSELF CRAZY....well I got on it...and the number the number is the same exact damn number!!!

After busting my ass going to the gym twice a day and yoga I haven't lost anything!!!

But I am not all that angry I feel and see myself in the skinnest light I have ever seen my self....so it is what it is!

Have a great one friends...I will be enjoying time celebrating my little niecy lucky 7 cumpleanooooooo....OH YES

--Ex Fat Girl