Your Motivation

A reader was telling me about how she's embarking on her lifestyle/losing weight journey and that she's ready to shed some serious pounds (GOOD LUCK TO YOU, I'LL DEF BE ROOTING FOR YOU) she told me the fitness magazines serve as her motivation and she asked me to blog about MOTIVATION.

Motivation is funny because to me it comes in all form. Here are some for me in no particular order:

•  I was sick of always being the big girl in the crew (any crew that I was with, I always seem to be one of the bigger girls) and I was tired of being the one that always stuck out.

•  Clothes was never fun and I always felt like I had to stick to basic.

•  A lot of people thought I couldn't do it and I love proving otherwise especially when you tell me I CAN'T

• My Boyfriend <3 I love him so so much blushes but how could I love another if I can't really love me. A lot of insecurities sometimes hinder my relationship and I realize the insecurities were my own because of my appearance. I can attest that I started a lot of problems because I was insecure of myself. (But please let's not ever admit this to him lol )

•  Kim Kardashian, Amber Rose, Beyonce, J.Hudson, hello I always felt "I got a really nice body and the weight does nothing for me time to shed it off"

• Other people doing it and still doing it. Fighting for it! That passion to physically get where they want to it rubs off which is why I blog because this journey is tough and we can all use advice, an ear, etc etc. Whenever I read of people getting that endorphin rush I wanna run to a gym.

• I NEVER WANT WEIGHT TO BE A REASON WHY I COULDN'T, WOULDN'T, SHOULDN'T weight is never going to stop me from anything (and for a long time it did) 

• My Body is my temple and it was time I started treating it like that

What are some of your motivations to reaching that goal!?!

-Ex Fat Girl

For the longest I had this picture of her on my fridge and at one point some of my aunts the ones who need glasses thought it was ME! Every time I opened the Fridge and was "SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT A HORSE", I would look at her shape and say "nah I can eat some pineapples instead" lol

A spiritual journey tied into Daily living

I had to google what Lent meant and not because I don't know the meaning but with faith I never know how to express things because faith is founded on one's own tradition and personal relationship so I think Wiki does a great job in putting it in terms (I can agree)

"Lent in the Christian tradition, is the period of the liturgical year leading up to Easter. Lent is a time of sacrifice for Jesus. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ." -Wiki

I am embarking on a religious journey because I feel I need it because of where I am with life including health/fitness. My fabulous mother in law aka Momma Tammy always says Give it to God and when you give it to God don't ask for it back. I have a lot to give to God a big heavy load and also want to find peace in my little heart so I am giving up for the next 40 days an abundance of things and clearing it out and starting fresh (I told ya'll New Year New Things don't have to start on Jan 1).

* No Rice (I am Latina, it's our main thing RICE WITH EVERYTHING and I am a lover of white rice so for the next 40 days no RICEEEEE)
* No Meat of any sort on Friday (this is the Catholic tradition and I am keeping to it, I don't think I ever have for the duration of lent)
* Only Water (no nothing to drink of any sort)
* Visiting his house once a week hopefully every Sunday
* Reading the bible for 40 straight days and apply the Good word to my every day
* No Facebook and Twitter (this is one of those things, I do daily and while I don't care for but somehow can't cut it loose for more then 24hrs)

I hope to gain the peace I am in search for and gain control over the things I sometimes allow to control me especially food! I also plan to let God in and not fight it I am a Taurus stubborn by nature so sometimes it's hard for me to let anyone in and be in charge. But I need to for some specific things going on in my life!!!

I invite all my friends to go on a mental hiatus and set aside some time out for your SOUL! This just happen to be a perfect time for myself!

Oh and because it's Fat Tuesday I'll be having some Chinese food (Pork Fried Rice with No Vegs and either chicken wings or bbq ribs CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND JUST YET lol) and I won't forget the Pepsi! YUM YUM SAYS FAT GIRL lol

Forgot to mention Easter is April 24, exactly 1 year from day 1 of a changed lifestyle. I think it's a sign from above to embark on my journey!

Good luck if your fasting/sacrificing

Ex Fat Girl

Oh and for all those who care to know I didn't lose this week In fact I gained! Ugh so ashamed but of course food becomes the source I turn to when I am frustrated and I been hit hard the last couple of months! I hope to be able to really really jump back on track!

Connecting the Dots!

After writing this blog on Jan 14 I did something....

DRASTIC

BIG

LIFE CHANGING

And just like I took control of my weight, I also decided to take control of my life/happiness!

A wise sister girl told me "Take control of the driver seat, stop letting every else drive that" [Actually it didn't go like that, but I know she said to take control of the drive seat, I might have added the rest oh well :kanye shrug: while she'll side eye me when sees this lol!]

On to new and bigger things!!!!

Connecting the dots:

Experimenting with 30 days of @ home Yoga to prepare for 30 days of Bikrim Yoga I plan to conquer in March! (=/ That will be fun so stay tune for that)

Looking for that 9 to 5 that makes my heart skip a beat!

Taking each step at a time with STRIDE and PRIDE (hey that rhymes lol, am I an official rapper now?!? lol)!

And like the Bieber Says (influence of the 8 year niece oh don't judge me)

You see I never thought that I could walk through fire
I never thought that I could take a burn
I never had the strength to take it higher
Until I reached the point of no return

And there's just no turnin back
When your heart's under attack
Gonna give everything I have
It's my destiny

Happy Weekend Friends -

Any plans for the weekend/ Feb Goals? You wanna share

Your Fav
Ex Fat Girl

Don't Change The Channel

After the tragic accident of my beloved Snicker (6 month old Yorkie) peeing on my laptop and me being without a laptop for the past 6 months. I AM FINALLY CONNECTED!!!

STAY PUT

I AM BREWING UP SO MUCH!!!

Stay warm

The always so fab,

Ex Fat Girl

P.S That is not Snicker, however I am sure it went just like that (just my laptop was on my bed)

You See Me...

It's amazing what people assume they know about you. They look at you and make assumptions based on your physical appearance, your clothes, your hair, your personal music choice, etc. They read you and interpret you like a book. Some people know the book oh too well while some people discover something new every time they open it and others.

What part of your book are you willingly to share and what parts do you want to omit for the general population?


Side Note: Everyday is another chance to get it right

Lauryn Hill - I Gotta Find Peace of Mind [MTV Unplugged]

I am tired.....I am tired not physically but mentally....spiritually.....emotionally....I AM TIRED

A Balance

I realize for a long time and still am solely focusing on my outer beauty, outer shine, outer smile, etc

I have completely forgotten to nurture the soul behind the outer beauty, outer shine and outer smile and while yes I found God and I love her fiercely (okay :z snap:) I think I only found her physically =/ ....I am not really sure....and that is okay...it's part of a change/growth purpose but I am on it and I will share this journey because I think it comes with the new physical change!

I am aware of the problem and I am on it!!!

What are some ways you nurture you both internally and physically?


In the Meantime



Your friend

Ex Fat Girl

A well deserve Break

Everyone needs a break! A time to clear there mind, to plan, to sit and relax.

I have certainly enjoyed my break! It has given me lots of time to plan what I need to do and what I want to do as well as enjoy my time with others without obsessing over calories

So whats next!

150 by April! Hitting the Gym and getting that crazy sick bikini body in time for June!


=]

So I'll start Jan 4th lol DON'T JUDGE ME jajajajja

HAPPY HOLIDAYS PEEPs!

Endless Thoughts....

I started this blog with a lot of different intentions. I wanted to show a different side of me; perhaps it was obvious or not but I been battling an issue with my image for a long time and I wanted to showcase what my own self image did to me. How it would sometimes build me and how often it DESTROYED me. I also wanted to show, how you can want something so badly but not always get it you know "easier said then done" type shit. Make the struggles of making a dream/goal achievable real.

However, I wanted to blog and make it public mostly because I wanted someone to relate, I wanted to become someone example of progress I wanted to be someone INSPIRATION and so my own blog became that to myself. Unitentionally it reminded me of how I started and showed me I how I pushed through the fuck ups and how the milestones made me glow.

And so here I am in a umm I am not sure I am here stuck, stuck and consumed with so much different emotions. In the past two weeks I have gained 5 pounds*! :gasp: 5 pounds* when I was so close to the finish line...why, what's going on ='[ why slowly throw away what I been working on. *2 pounds I wrote this on Saturday and got on the scale this morning and after TOM I was up 2 pounds

I went to Red Lobster to enjoy there seasonal promotion of endless shrimps. Already down and although I was in great company my heart, my heart had this great big void and as I took the first shrimp I forgot everything...nothing matter my thought of process was; fuck this moment fuck the calories, fuck it if you full, fuck it!!!! I ate like I have never ate in my life and I ate...my body told me no more, my mind told me stop it right this moment but

my heart told me it needs this, for now this hole isn't so lonely, for now let go of your worries and just eat

I went on to "enjoy" the rest of my evening...And really there was no enjoyment because I was thinking of why do I continue to purposely "hurt" myself to destroy what I work for. The night ended and I said I will deal with in the morning. Saturday morning wasn't so great and I deceided to take revenge by eating a cupcake! A CUPCAKE really who was I hurting...but I got so much pleasure of doing something that I knew wasn't right and it was silly cause I saw myself smirk to myself....and I thought am I doing this on purpose are those shows getting to me...

And as I took the bus to target my "happy place", it clicked to me...I hurt for so many many many reasons and I never bother to give my scars attention...see you can give scars proper attention and although you might have something to always remind you of that scar it will heal the way its suppose to but if you ignore it you prolong it's healing, it's getting of better and eventually time does "heal" but you have a bitter scar that will never quite be the same or no where near the same

I have a lot of scars too many scars that I aquired back to back and while I thought time would heal them...they just turned them ugly and I use food for temporary fixes which in the long run is just creating a bigger scar...and so I am taking this time to heal them the proper way (those scars the ones I ignored in hopes that they will go away)...in hopes I can start 2011 with a new outlook (not saying it will take 2 months) but knowing it will take time. I will continue to battle it out and get to to this place where ultimately I am not only happy physically, but mentally and spiritually!

So I am hibernating! Closing out chapters, starting new ones, speaking from my heart. Not compromising myself FOR NO ONE! Enjoying my sweet love, the pure friendships I have around the perfect friends I often neglect.

I encourage all of my readers all 2 of you lol, to continue coming to my page....perhaps you need a space to post some thoughts about your battle in overcoming your goal.. and don't want to create your own blog...send them my way I'll be sure to update the blog...maybe a funny picture, maybe an inspirational quote...Maybe you just wants some space to talk without interruption well by any mean necessary is your home too! So feel free to send them to me melissaq86@gmail.com

I'll update with mobile pics and music until my heart is singing the words it wants to sing!

Deuces or better yet BRB ;)

Your favorite

EX fat girl

Some Thoughts

....Again my thoughts all over and I am not really sure what is the point of this post or what one thought I want to focus on so I will write what comes from the heart so bear with me readers because I feel I owe it to the individuals that have personally hit me up to tell me that I gave them some new found hope in being able to ACCOMPLISH

I am at 161.8....Whoa is all I can say! I really did it I set out on April 24 to get to 160 and here I am one pound away and although I have added an additional 10 pounds just knowing that this number 160 which to me was impossible, so far away it's right there, RIGHT THERE I CAN TOUCH IT! But am I ready...I keep avoiding the things that I know will get me there...why I am not sure?!? I have slacked on the gym and ate things without putting anything into perspective...Healthy/not healthy....5 calories vs 500 calories and again I fight with myself everyday

This weekend I heard a lot of comments on my weight, I saw myself in pictures and didn't recognize myself and saw my clothes literally falling off me while I dreamed of this I also didn't except it happening...I wasn't ready but a part of me is asking why are you not ready?!?! I spent the entire summer busting my ASS to get my ass like this so why take to insult and not to pride. I don't know =/ I am sure I'll figure it out while I keep walking the answer will come to me.

But here I am, I finally made it to the bridge....and so close to cross it not sure if I will try to build another bridge and run the next one instead of walking it...or take my time building the next one and than walk at a fast pace...AY I DUNNO! and again it's something I will figue out!


On another note
I do want to say to anyone that doubted me, that thought this was a joke. That I was stupid for putting something so private out there....

HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW


--Ex Fat Girl

Old Me vs New Me

Sometimes I catch myself talking about the "Old me" as if she was this terrible beast incapable of anything because she was heavy, over weight whatever you want to call it. While the "new me" is some kind of heroic person that save this monster and she shines so bright.

While reality is,

First of all, I wasn't even that big to begin with and there are plenty of people who have real obesity issues. I was lucky enough to stop the issue before it became a real problem.

Second of all, the only thing that has changed from the old me and the new me it's my pants size and the scale going down. I didn't get smarter (although if I must admit I am America's smartest princess jejeje I kid), I didn't get prettier! If you thought I was ugly before I am still ugly just thinner than before if you thought I was beautiful than I am still beautiful again just smaller.

So why must I down play the old me. I think it stems from an insecurity of let me poke fun, joke, say the obvious about myself SO YOU DON'T have to say. Let me say aloud what you may be thinking when you see my before and afters. Let me hurt myself so that you don't hurt me.

....But than when I go home and sit and relax and replay the day's convos, I think like why did I do that to myself. I was big so what!?!?! why must I act like that was a sin, a reason for anyone to think different of my capabilities..... (lost of words...) I am changing that! I am not going to downplay the old me! I am going to embrace her because from her came such courage to change!

I am feeling so good guys! I really am. Tackling one problem at a time (I encourage you to do the same)

Sprinkling Love

--Ex Fat Girl

And because it's been a while; Old me vs New Me

Umm Who is That....

Yes thats you!?!?! Dummy....No it can't be.....YESSSSS

So as I was trying to keep my spandex up (yes quality spandex, not the five dollar cheap ones! Q U A L I T Y ) I realize the medium isn't quite my size...but hold up I can not, I mean I can not be fitting into a small...or can I? So whats the deal why do I feel like I am literally swimming in my clothes now....I mean granted I am not the smallest size but I was comfortable with my size 12 and now I am not sure if I am already at 11 or maybe an in between 12 and 11 cause seriously what is up with my saggy jeans in the knees? How cute is that....NOT!!!!

I woke up this morning telling my friend how I need to reach my goal of being at 150 and how no matter what the purpose is to reach a goal; to complete it and to not half ass it... Feel me?!?! BUTTTT than I want to the bathroom and saw myself in two, not one but two full length mirrors and I was like umm I feel like ,I look like I might need a piece of chicken how will I look at at 150? Is 150 what I really want....

I asked/told myself: Melissa what exactly do you want? Now is the time to reevulate goals because maybe you have gotten to where you need to be and a number isn't quite what you need to define the accomplishment of that goal...I dunno I am just a thought

So thats the question for the weekend...Do I keep pushing to get to that number goal....Do I change it up maybe get to 160 maintain and work out my body to a shape I want (example: flat stomach, toner legs, etc etc) or do I go to as far as I can? I mean I don't know! I never gotten this far in any diet so I am not sure how this would work or not! When i do figure it out I'll be sure to share with you my .5 readers :crickets crickets:


Oh and I hopped on the scale: I KNOWWWW AFTER ALL THAT CRAP ABOUT GIVING IT A BREAK AND NOT DRIVING MYSELF CRAZY....well I got on it...and the number the number is the same exact damn number!!!

After busting my ass going to the gym twice a day and yoga I haven't lost anything!!!

But I am not all that angry I feel and see myself in the skinnest light I have ever seen my self....so it is what it is!

Have a great one friends...I will be enjoying time celebrating my little niecy lucky 7 cumpleanooooooo....OH YES

--Ex Fat Girl

Timing is Key

...And sometimes you have to sit back and just go with the flow! I spent my entire summer working out that when I hit a plateu not only was it annoying it also made me feel like well I reached my limit for now EAT AWAY(in moderation)!!!! The gym was cool but really didn't feel like going out my way and making it my business to get there. I guess this feeling was strong for maybe 3 weeks. Sometimes I woke up and thought" it's gone I am back/focused let's get it" and sometimes the thought of micro managing everything that I ate pissed me off and made me want to eat to sort of be a rebel and eat even if it was something I didn't want or sometimes I wanted to eat to be like look at me I can eat and still look good (so stupid of me)

but like my title says TIMING IS KEY!

I said on Saturday I was going to start fresh day 1 all over again; the pounds I lost are LOST they aren't there and wont be there! The new me is battling 16 pounds extra, the new me learned a lot about the gym and good eating and can now apply all of that into this NEW DAY/NEW START! Timing is key, I gave it my all; gave myself a big break and now I am ready to JUST DO IT!!!

It's Monday Gang- New Week, New Day, Attempt to reach that goal of whatever it may be!!!

I went to the gym and did an hour of cardio! Stepped it up from the 30 mins I did and worked out on some of the machines and tonight I'll be seeing my P.T (last week) WHAT IS YOUR WORKOUT LOOKING LIKE!?!

Your friend

Ex Fat Girl


OH P.S Fresh new start I am weighin in at 166.6 (lets not mention I gained a few back because IT'S A FRESH START RIGHT lol)

Oh Please Fat Girl

This blog started out so personal and than eventually got impersonal to where I am just talking about my lost and adding few thoughts here and there. Maybe because I felt no one was reading, no good was coming out of it or because I just never have time to sit and write. I dunno but I feel like I owe myself some real thoughts.

On Thursday I had the most amazing casual 3 mile walk that put a lot into perspective. So many many thoughts juggled around and have me feeling like :sigh: I see an end to this madness

On April 23 when I started this blog I ended it with this:

Please note- Big or Small WOMEN are BEAUTIFUL regardless....This blog is to not idolize anybody or a specific body frame but for me to LEARN how to idolize my own and hopefully be able to learn and share from people all over who might be going through the same. The events. tears, smile, and accomplishment will all be REAL...

Going back to that I have come a long long way!!!! I do idolize my own body and have accepted it with it's flaws and acknowledge what may need more work but yes I love me so much more than ever and it is an amazing feeling. AN AMAZING Feeling!!!!and yes there were many events, many many smiles and of course some tears but my accompliments speak for themselves

I was thinking of how recently I have started to confront my inner fat girl. She is bored she wants to break the rules, she doesn't want to exercise, she doesn't care for a number goal. She wants to eat with no control for no purpose just to eat. She wants to see a gain, she is not quite ready for a change!

OH PLEASE FAT GIRL GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY

I do have a goal and mentally and physically I been fighting too long to entrust that into anyone thing or person. So Operation Do It For the Haters is out the picture I am not doing this for anyone but my damn self; haters don't motivate me they just make me feel sorry for them...a trainer was great and I do recommend it but mentally is not what I need or want because ultimately I am making him responsible for my outcome and again NO! Its my job to do it right and I know how to do it right I don't need a scape goat to point fingers when I am stuck or when I gain two pounds...It's my mouth I control what goes in it and its also my body I also control how hard I push my body or no.

I am not the best team player when it comes to ME! So I gotta do this on myself...I am giving myself a break (break #186849) this weekend and I am throwing all this away as in I am starting FRESH.......Fresh the ticker will go back to 0 (which I am not even happy about), back to counting my calories (which I haven't been doing) Back to hoping on the scale every 2 weeks on a Monday Morning (not hopping on it every morning and driving myself crazy with the different jumps) Back to the gym in the mornings and some classes in the evening! (with the BY ANY MEAN NECESSARY Mentally) back to being more personal on my blog because this was my therepy my outlook...I AM BACK TO SQUARE ONE....

Just this time I am not eating pizza with a fountain drink this time I am eating pancakes realizing that 15 pounds to lose is whole lot better than 47 pounds when I first started and I just need to get back into my OWN GROOVE...not that of another but MY OWN!

To those that read and look for some motivation or feel like YEAH let's get it after reading my blogs: YES WE CAN GET IT! FOR SURE, WHO IS TO STOP US WHEN WE WANT IT THAT BAD!?!?!? TELL ME WHO???

oh I know, our damn selfs....and so take this and see that is not always gonna be easy you'll fall a few times...but as long as you get up I promise you'll be okay you'll get there!!!

Have a great weekend friends,

Ex Fat girl

Insert Title Here ;)

Today I was suppose to step on the scale and see how week 1 of Operation do it for the haters resulted in butttt (there is always a but) I didn't sleep at home so no scale for me till tomorrow.

Week 1 of Operation Do It For the Haters- was greatttt!!! I think this is exactly what I needed and I am sure I will see results I am changing my diet because I have specific goals so I am trying to go good clean carbs and high protein! Of course I will be having sweets and stuff but for sure I will be minimizing it! Side Note * I haven't really set down and thought about how my diet will pan out now but I know I need some minor tweeks to the one I was following now just need to see what will work or not can't finalize anything now

Weigh in- I will tell you this I have some jeans that are jeggings and a size 12 I brought when I first started losing weight and so maybe 2-3 months ago...WELL now they fit me all saggy and baggy (jejeje that ryhmes) and because I been back and forth with 165-166 I am not expecting a lost but I am happy to feel skinner and be like satisfy ;) [[I just really want my now tiny gut gone, when it was big I ignored it and now it bothers m so much]]

It was a lovely labor day! I got to spend it with the boyfriend and we took some pics and I was just amazed at how much I have transformed to!

Anyhow how was ur labor day? What are your fall goals and plan?!?

Yours truly

Ex Fatty

Keeping it Funky

Day 125

Seems like day 1 IMPOSSIBLE


Pizza and a fountain drink



Sometimes I don't want to think about it, sometimes 31 pounds gone isn't enough and I might never reach that point of self loving and loving my body for what it is.

Sometimes I can't see the difference! Sometimes it's not enough!


Blah, feeling guilty (but oh so yummy) I know too better that this will past and I will be back on track but for right now LET ME THROW MYSELF A PITY PARTY! I enlisted the help of a personal trainer to knock out these last 15 pounds (I start the Tuesday, fresh start for me)

BUT RIGHT NOW I AM FEELING LIKE.....


Sometimes the one who tries to motivate and encourage NEEDS ENCOURAGING HERSELF!

I am out Peeps

I'll catch yall on the brighter days

--Ex Fat Girl

Break

Howdy Kiddies!

And so I am on my well deserved vacation (1 week off from work)!!! And it has been great thus far!!!! I am still on a cloud and have created a bubble that I don't want anyone to even to attempt to POP!

Anyways while I have been on this vacation or staycation if you want to call it that ;), I haven't gained nor lost but I can tell you that I haven't exercised, haven't really kept track of my calories, and just put dieting, healthy, exercises, and all that to the back of my mind! I needed a mental break where I can just chill and breath and it has been lovely to just enjoy my new body and this new cloud of confidence that sits above me!!!!

Tomorrow I am back on the grind ready to push these last 15 pounds and get my belly flat!!!!


This is short and cute just wanted to share with yall a little update on what is going on~~

Your Favorite

Ex Fat Girl

In a Funk

It happens sometimes, it's very often unavoidable! I know from experience it comes and goes this little gray cloud that sometimes fogs up your vision. I have several reasons to why this little gray cloud is appearing now none of wish I care to share but it's here and it's been sitting here for a while, I have just chose to ignore it, but now it's almost even starting to drizzle and I must be prepare just in case it pours!

Which leads me to my temple (my body) for some reason I have been compromising my body because I am often angry or frustrated contradicting what I have been working on for the past 4 months.

I HAVE TO STOP BLAMING WHAT I CAN'T CONTROL ON MYSELF AND TAKING IT OUT WITH MY BODY!

I have come to far and if it wants to rain it can...I'll just take out my bathing suit! ;)

Determine to dance in the rain

-Ex Fat Girl

Long Explanations

What's the good word?

It's Thursday morning and I was suppose to be out on a summer day but because of my busy team I can't even take my summer days I can go on and on and on about this, but this isn't a career or why life in corporate America sucks blog, it's a blog dedicated to reaching a goal (the specific goal weight lost). So today I'll dedicate some time to "You" or really ME :)

So sit back and enjoy the show (my apologies in advance if I jump from topic to topic, but this is my blog and I can do whatever I want to ;) and besides we all agreed that there are no blogs rule to follow!)

I want to begin with why I blog to begin with....Different reasons I suppose! I don't really blog to show and tell. I mean I get that in result of me blogging what I am essentially doing is "showing" and "telling" but truthfully I enjoy that I have some readers and that people stop from time to time and get a chuckle, maybe they :side eye me:, maybe they get a tad bit of inspiration, or maybe non of the above but I write mostly for me and put it out publicly there because I like the idea of freedom of expression. My ideas, thoughts, belief, wants, desire, heartaches, etc, etc are out there roaming around the virtual universe and it makes me feel a bit free because unlike others who hold everything in [[which I also do with certain things]] I am putting it OUT THERE in regards to weight lost at least. Lets face it if writing is what I like to do than I can always get a pen and notebook but by blogging I am allowed to express myself without looking at your face and reading your expressions on how stupid you think this or that is, I can talk and talk without being interrupted, I feel relieve when I vent even if no one is listening I PUT IT OUT THERE!!! I am learning more and more as an adult that is not healthy to hurt and leave it in and now a days everyone who is over the age 21 is facing something so why put my burden on there shoulders when I can BLOG! ;)

With that being said, I am very humbled by people who tell me they read my blog and enjoy it, so thank you and you and you for stopping by! It's nice to know that somewhere out there someone was feeling similar and someone relates and someone says "ah, I am not alone in this feeling". It's also always great to have people who known you for almost forever learn new things about you because of a BLOG! - Once again thanks for giving me a few of your mins!

Moving on, the other day I was hearing someone talk about losing weight and how hard it is or rather how they gained so much. I really wasn't paying close attention I was more concentrated on my phone and my FB newsfeed than listening to this. I knew what they were talking about and they both knew I had lost a lot of weight myself (29 pounds as of dates AOOOOW) and I knew I could have jumped in any time and said my two cents and for a moment I paused and was about to say "It's easy, if I can do it you can do it" but I didn't. I carried on with my business on FB and side convo with an other friend. Than when I got home I put a lot of thought into this (don't ask me why lol). I asked myself, why didn't I offer some advice, some encouragement, some tips, something? and than I realize "losing weight" is not only a physical journey but a mental one and somewhat spiritual one and I KNOW that it isn't EASY so why LIE! "If I can do it, you can do it" is very much B.S, because truthfully I know that how your universe is moving reflects how you will suceed in a battle to over come something (in this instance weight lost) I had a million excuses of why I didn't lose weight before so clearly (and if I am claiming it's so easy the obvious question to someone like myself would be "Why didn't you do it before) IT'S not something that everyone can do at any given period of their life....You really need a calling from within to set out a goal and plan for it and than ACCOMPLISH IT! So I came to this conclusion from all of this lol When the time is right it will happen and thats just how it works...The end! (lol I am glad out of this long winded convo,questioning I got that conclusion lol jejejeje)

Leading me to my next subject, August Goals. I realize in a few weeks (hopefully end of August) I will meet the initial goal I set out of 160, I soon will need to figure out if I want to aim for 150 or if I am okay at 160. I am already thinking of how I will be maintaining my weight loss OFF and OFF for good! But that bridge I will cross when I get there... I don't have any physical goal for this month and I don't have a number goal for this month either...rather I have I guess an internal goal for myself. I want to be at peace and when I am at peace with myself (which believe me most of the time I am) I WILL NOT LET YOU INTERRUPT that peace (which most of the time I do allow you to do that), Just like I fought for my body I now am ready to fight for my soul and seranity because I saw that BY ANY MEAN NECESSARY things can get accompish!

Hmm, so how am I really going to set out to reach this goal? I don't know =/

I know I want to be able to control my emotions, be able to have some self control (something Taurus people lack a lot of, WHERE MY TAURUS PEEPS AT jejeje), I know I don't want to be able to allow a tiny thing ruin my day, my night, my week but rather clean up the spill milk and just keep it moving. But I am human and I will have my moments and I am giving myself that but for the most part I want to be in control, I want to navigate my own car to happiness =]
I was able to accomplish 3 things out of 5 goals I set in my 5 year plan (est 2007) I think it's time to add this new goal and get to working!!!! We shall see what happens in the upcoming month

Kiddies, this post started Thursday morning and ended Friday morning, I hope your still here ;)

My "pre- weigh in" thoughts are none! I did good this week might be at the same number but that is okay (I kinda like that is now going slower it gives me more time to plan my next steps for the upcoming months) I don't think I am quite ready to be a "skinnie minnie"

But Sunday will come and I'll check in!!!

Have a great weekend =]

I know I will!

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-Ex Fat Girl!