Oh Please Fat Girl

This blog started out so personal and than eventually got impersonal to where I am just talking about my lost and adding few thoughts here and there. Maybe because I felt no one was reading, no good was coming out of it or because I just never have time to sit and write. I dunno but I feel like I owe myself some real thoughts.

On Thursday I had the most amazing casual 3 mile walk that put a lot into perspective. So many many thoughts juggled around and have me feeling like :sigh: I see an end to this madness

On April 23 when I started this blog I ended it with this:

Please note- Big or Small WOMEN are BEAUTIFUL regardless....This blog is to not idolize anybody or a specific body frame but for me to LEARN how to idolize my own and hopefully be able to learn and share from people all over who might be going through the same. The events. tears, smile, and accomplishment will all be REAL...

Going back to that I have come a long long way!!!! I do idolize my own body and have accepted it with it's flaws and acknowledge what may need more work but yes I love me so much more than ever and it is an amazing feeling. AN AMAZING Feeling!!!!and yes there were many events, many many smiles and of course some tears but my accompliments speak for themselves

I was thinking of how recently I have started to confront my inner fat girl. She is bored she wants to break the rules, she doesn't want to exercise, she doesn't care for a number goal. She wants to eat with no control for no purpose just to eat. She wants to see a gain, she is not quite ready for a change!

OH PLEASE FAT GIRL GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY

I do have a goal and mentally and physically I been fighting too long to entrust that into anyone thing or person. So Operation Do It For the Haters is out the picture I am not doing this for anyone but my damn self; haters don't motivate me they just make me feel sorry for them...a trainer was great and I do recommend it but mentally is not what I need or want because ultimately I am making him responsible for my outcome and again NO! Its my job to do it right and I know how to do it right I don't need a scape goat to point fingers when I am stuck or when I gain two pounds...It's my mouth I control what goes in it and its also my body I also control how hard I push my body or no.

I am not the best team player when it comes to ME! So I gotta do this on myself...I am giving myself a break (break #186849) this weekend and I am throwing all this away as in I am starting FRESH.......Fresh the ticker will go back to 0 (which I am not even happy about), back to counting my calories (which I haven't been doing) Back to hoping on the scale every 2 weeks on a Monday Morning (not hopping on it every morning and driving myself crazy with the different jumps) Back to the gym in the mornings and some classes in the evening! (with the BY ANY MEAN NECESSARY Mentally) back to being more personal on my blog because this was my therepy my outlook...I AM BACK TO SQUARE ONE....

Just this time I am not eating pizza with a fountain drink this time I am eating pancakes realizing that 15 pounds to lose is whole lot better than 47 pounds when I first started and I just need to get back into my OWN GROOVE...not that of another but MY OWN!

To those that read and look for some motivation or feel like YEAH let's get it after reading my blogs: YES WE CAN GET IT! FOR SURE, WHO IS TO STOP US WHEN WE WANT IT THAT BAD!?!?!? TELL ME WHO???

oh I know, our damn selfs....and so take this and see that is not always gonna be easy you'll fall a few times...but as long as you get up I promise you'll be okay you'll get there!!!

Have a great weekend friends,

Ex Fat girl