Thursday, January 10, 2013

My Closure

Closure or need for closure are psychological terms that describe the desire or need individuals have for information that will allow them to conclude an issue that had previously been clouded in ambiguity and uncertainty. Upon reaching this conclusion, they are now able to attain a state of epistemic "closure".

A quick google search will give you that definition. With a New Year always comes along NEW b.s lol from everyone. I think everyone is guilty of trying or wanting something NEW for the new year...January is your clean slate. January is where you hope to let go of something old (that you particular wasn't fond of) and adapt some new one.

My 2013 resolution was to LET GO and LET GOD. I want to control a lot of things, I want to track it's every process and plan for every possibility EVEN IF I KNOW THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE I still want to know every aspect and in 2012 I saw how my obsession with CONTROL was growing and causing negative side effects the biggest one of them all STRESS.

This year I've gotten better. However- I still find myself  thinking about certain relationships with friends, family members, even coworkers and I find myself thinking why did it go from that to that. I wonder if they think about it as well. I wonder what they didn't like about me. I wonder if it was my fault. Of course on the other side  I think about what I didn't like about them, I usually take equal participation on why it went the way it did and think of flaws the person can work on. I find myself wanting to do a sit down and have some sort of closure. I sometimes want to verbally hear it.  Like I want to hear "we aren't what we used to be let's agree to disagree and move on". I do want the closure. I want to know why you befriended me, or why we don't do lunch anymore during lunch time at work or why you used to text me every morning and now you don't. Yes I want that. I want the "conclusion" summary

But I think that's some sort of control issue again to want to know, to what to talk about it, but maybe it's just after all closure that I want. I mean can't closure be just knowing it's not what it used to be.

Well I decided to do some closure here publicly why not- letting it go.

If you were in my past for a reason and we enjoyed a few laughs I am forever grateful for those memories.
If you saw me cried and told me everything is going to be alright- you were right and I thank you for those warm memories for being there for me.
If I saw you at your happiest and shared that with you- the memory will be with me forever and I wish many more memories like that.
If we broke bread together- I hope you always have bread to break.
If you told me your deepest secret know that it's still a secret and I hope you too have kept mine.
I am happy and feel fortunate for the amount of time we've had together because it some sort of way I know it's shaped me.

If we argued and I offended you- Then I am sorry because most likely those were not my intentions to hurt but I too am human.
If you've hurt me forget about it like Mase said "let by gones be by gones", I've moved on. I needed that hurt - I am sure.

I understand people change and the new me and the new you just doesn't vibe, or maybe we do vibe but grew apart, or maybe it was just time to go different path. I hope you too can appreciate our good times and I hope wherever life leads you it's to something big and beautiful.

"They say people in your life are seasons,
And anything that happen is for a reason"

I feel blessed. I am ready to let go and let God.


1 comment:

Thanks for Stopping By

-Ex Fat Gurl