Sunday, December 23, 2012

Stress- And What Lead Me There

A quick google search will have you with this definition on stress:

Stress typically describes a negative concept that can have an impact on one’s mental and physical well-being, but it is unclear what exactly defines stress and whether or not stress is a cause, an effect, or the process connecting the two. 

Physical symptoms
  • Aches and pains
  • Diarrhea or constipation
  • Increased frequency of urination
  • Indigestion
  • Low blood sugar
  • Nausea, dizziness
  • Chest pain, rapid heartbeat
  • Loss of sex drive
  • Frequent colds
  • Irregular periods.
Behavioral symptoms
  • Eating more or less
  • Sleeping too much or too little
  • Isolating oneself from others
  • Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities
  • Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax
  • Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting, pacing)
 Stress the state of being I have been for the last 12 months. I can break it down for you

January- I was excited to face Parole with my honey my emotions were high. I had all these plans for he and I. I was just looking forward to a great 2012.

February- He went up against Parole and so I got anxious I was depending on my faith and knew that God will not fail me and he will be home. I was still at a high. Worried about the next steps for us as a free couple.

March- Boom the high quickly came down. He got denied. It crushed me. All of the faith, anxiousness, etc went away and got placed by a dark circle.

April-July - I am just left with the bitter taste of knowing that he's not going to be home and our next try won't be till 2013 how can I even continue this rode. I am lonely, bills stack so high I don't know what to do, living alone and taking care of a house is not easy. My friends are very little and I find myself doing nothing.

August- I decided to do something for myself and head to Miami. And while this brought some sort of distraction. The emptiness I felt was STRONG.

September-November - He see's parole again in December. I am eating with no self control. I am bored with my routine. Living in my apartment feels lonely and I am getting annoyed and bitter that I have to do this again. I am worried if I am at all ready for him. Financially I am still drowning.

End of November- We decide to help his chances to move, to move across to P.A I have  a month to find a home where they accept parolees. I have to figure out what I am going to do with my good job, how will I maintain an apartment in NY/PA.

December- He see's parole and now we wait.

Obviously there is more to the picture but I wanted to give you a picture of how my life the last 12 months have been a crazy emotional roller coaster going UP and then zooming back down. My life by choice has been dictated by P.A DOC and by my love for this man (for which I understand it may or it may not worked out once he's home).  I must also admit some of the stress I have encountered this year has not all been jail related but for the most part I think this is my biggest load!

With all that I can say that I been stressed for the last 12 months and I don't have one memory of just a good/relaxing time. What is worst that now at month 12 physically you can see what STRESS has done to me.

I am working on me! It was part of my aha moment and I have been enjoying it. I tried to detox but failed instead I discovered yummy healthy juices and just moved right into better eating. It has not been easy because a lot of times I want to turn to a bag of chips but I start to think about how my face has broken out. I think about the pounds I have put on and I how I am unhappy I am. So I pull away. Its been a week and I am okay mentally I am in a better space. I am fighting for a healthier/happier/sane 2013 without allowing P.A DOC to dictate my life because it's done enough.

On that note- I wish all of my readers a happy holiday and a brand new 2013 filled with nothing but happiness!!!



  1. Good luck!! You are a strong girl. Honestly I'm going through a hard time with my bf, he's in the hospital for a mental condition, and it's hard staying strong. Thanks for giving me hope.

  2. Aww my thoughts are with you and your boyfriend. Sometime we get caught up in making sure they are okay we lose sight of ourselves...Promise me you'll do something special before the year ends!

    Thanks for stopping by!


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