Raining on My Parade

Hello There,

Today is Thursday and like my title says "it's raining on my parade" this week has been hmm for lack of better words a shitty one! I didn't budget out completely and somehow managed to waste my spending money in three days without covering lunch or dinner. Since I don't have any money, I brought a loaf of wheat bread and have been having peanut butter on toast for the last week as well as whatever sandwiches on the wheat bread. For whatever reason me and the boy haven't been able to talk (Thank God that little problem will end this evening and I should be able to hear his voice this evening) and I won't be able to see him until the 14th that's two more weeks and it just seems like a long time! Work ehh work is work! Demanding, not rewarding and a lot of late nights nevermind that I have a few days I can leave at regular time but because usually those nights I am exhausted I go home and just lay in bed not wanting to do anything. So in a nutshell this week has been sucky especially with Pookie in town! My issues are temporary and eventually sort out on themselves except the work one lol but whatever I will deal with cards I been dealt with.

This all leads to me and how I am doing physically and mentally. I have been following the trends on my scale this week and want to share with you that first

Friday- 170
Sunday- 168
Wednesday Night- 173.6
Thursday Morning- 171.4

Hmmm just like these numbers have been a roller coaster so have my emotions. I want a break from constantly thinking about eating or of thinking of the consequences if I eat this or that....but I know that break will lead me to no where instead I am going to talk it out here on this blog and put it out there and leave it there.

I love the new me!!! I really do, I work so hard for this and I don't mind the gym and working out (that really doesn't kill me or makes life seem like a drag), the food that I am eating hasn't changed what has changed is the portions and thats okay with me anyways. So what the hell is going on!!!!

The things I can't control around me are all moving different directions, different speeds and that has left me sort of STRESSED out and the things I can control like my eating I want to take it at the different speeds directions, why I dunno. It's just what I know to do...But I am a changed woman, right ?!?!

I am having a mental break down for many different reasons, but the one thing I know and I can bet a snicker bars on is that PROBLEMS COME AND GO they don't LAST FOREVER!

So I'll take all of this as something that I will have to deal with and maybe forever I am going to have to remember to BREATH not to just eat the first thing I see and sometimes instead of cheating everyday I should do one real cheat day and just get it out and thats it! Like today full of stuff that will make me probably be at 173 tomorrow...and I am saying OH WELLS! I WILL KNOCK EM DOWN FOR AUGUST!

Hope the sun is shining over there
Ex Fat Girl